Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Mommy Guilt

I’m sure anyone who has looked at facebook recently has seen the link to the blog Momastry. This is a beautifully written blog that is written by a woman who is not the perfect mom. I think what I love most about this blog is that not only does she help us Mom’s who work full time jobs, also us moms who stay home with our kids understand the ever present “mommy guilt”, but she is so open about her own suffering. In her “ABOUT ME” section she points out that she used to be a bulimic and an alcoholic.

I have always had this image in my head that the perfect mom is the one that gets to stay home with her kids, she never gets mad at them and yells, she has lived a picture perfect life, her husband thinks she is the cutest/skinniest little thing and she is a great cook. (I know, right?) The truth is I’m not any of these things. I get mad at my kids. Sometimes I irrationally get mad at my kids. Sometimes I don’t want to sit on the floor and play dolls, or cars. Sometimes I don’t want color pictures. There are times I just want to be alone so I lock myself in my bedroom and pretend I’m going to the restroom. (Truth is, I’m just laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling listening to them pound on the door calling my name and wondering when they will give up. I usually lose that battle). There are times I have zero energy to cook a meal, let alone a healthy meal so my kids will eat cold hot dogs with ketchup. There are nights when I leave the dishes in the sink because it was all I could do to cook the dinner. (I’m confident some of these confessions are grossing some of you out completely). Oftentimes, I wonder to myself, would my life would be easier if I did stay at home? I mean, I wouldn’t have to rush around every morning starting right away at 6am getting myself ready, then getting the kids ready, getting our breakfasts and lunches packed, loading the car and then starting my full work day. Only to return home to an evening jam packed with stuff. Would my house be cleaner? Would my kids be happier? Would I be happier?

You see, I needed to read this blog when I did. I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. Do I have what it takes to work full time and be away from my kids all day long 5 days a week? However, do I have what it takes to stay at home with them all day long 7 days a week? There is no answer for this question. What this wonderful woman taught me is that she isn’t perfect, neither am I. I need to pray not for answers on what I should do, but rather prayers for peace with what I’m doing now.

So right now I’m telling anyone who is reading this blog. My house is a mess. I’m not a perfect mom. My kids have gone the last 3 days without a bath and may not get one tonight… I don’t do laundry once a week and I go to bed with dirty dishes in my sink. However, I have a wonderful husband who supports me in this chaos. I have 2 of the most awesome kids I could ever imagine getting. I hope someday they remember the fun times we did have and can see how hard their Dad and I worked to give them a very happy home!

I may not always see the blessings I have and crave some other life, but today I’m going to try hard to be thankful for all that I do have.

So for right now I leave you with a link to the post. Please read it if you’re a mom and you’re feeling the “mommy guilt.” It’s ok… you’re not alone. No matter what your decision, You’re doing the best you can!

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