Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mother's Day Week ~~ Day 3

Today's post may sound a bit alarming!  What I'm about to cover will not make sense to people.  If that is you, here is why.  You have never been down my journey. You potentially have no idea what is means to have a baby born 15 weeks early, be intubated for several weeks, be so sick you just don't know if he/she will make it, have your 1 pound 6 ounce baby girl under go heart surgery at 2 weeks of life ... and I could go on and on!!  With that...her is day 3 of my blog series!

Seeing your child close to death!  

So, again very strange thing to be thankful for.  Very strange thing to say that I am grateful for.  However, looking back... I am so forever grateful that God has put me in the shoes that I get to wear.  Now don't get me wrong there were days where I dropped to my knees, was at my weakest point and wish it wasn't happening to my children or Nick or I.  However, here I sit with 2 WONDERFUL 3 year olds, a husband who is my partner and I can't really picture it any other way.

  • When Birk was 3 months old, and had been home for 2 weeks...I had the scariest day of my life.  I will never forget an ounce of what took place that AWFUL afternoon.  I had decided as I was driving down the road with the twins in the backseat to NOT stop and get a Diet Coke from McDonald's, and THANK THE LORD I DIDN'T.  When I got out of the car at Hy-vee I found Birk gray and not breathing.  I don't mean to be dramatic, but if you are a mother... can you even imagine what was racing through my mind, my heart at that moment.  I went into survival mode and began to do CPR!  By the grace of God, and the holy spirit Birk started breathing and crying.  The most beautiful sound!  

  • A week later we saw him slide down in his swing and turn blue and again I performed CPR on him.  

  • 2 weeks later Birk was trached.  While that seemed like the worst for our family... it saved his life. 

  • After his December surgery one night he was struggling with sedation and was fighting against his ventilator tubing and was turning bluish gray and was fighting for air!  I couldn't even bare this.  I watched in horror as the medical team quickly did their magic and got him comfortable and sedated again.  

So you may be thinking...where the heck is she going with this?  To be honest, I don't even really know.  What I do know is that in these moments that I've listed above is where God allowed me to draw my strength to carry on.  God showed me that when I feel I am weak... I am strong.  I draw strength in that I have been able to witness what can happen when we use the God given talents we were born with or develop.  Birk and Addy would not be here with out the medical teams we've worked with.  They wouldn't be here with out the LOVE and passion of nurses & RT's (who I firmly believe are some of the beautiful people on earth).   They wouldn't have survived without the love with our family, our devoted friends and the love of a Lord that will use them for greater things.

What a true blessing to be a part of this.  So within the pain, the tears, the fears...  we are where we are.

And to be honest ... we are pretty darn happy to be here!

Happy Mother's Day week!

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