I am where I need to be!!

Ever experience something that you feel is just going to tear you down?  Ever have the feeling that the each day is just not going to be the same anymore?  Ever have the feeling that you might not survive because you don't feel like you have the strength to?

I have.

I have been at these moments far too often in my life.  I have felt at my weakest. Broken and torn.   I have felt that I might not be able to care for my children, do the things I love, and be the person and live the life that I know.

The best news is that so far to date...I have survived.  I have actually thrived in these moments.  For it has been in these moments, days, weeks, months, and even years that I have seen the greatness of my God.  I have seen how he can turn a women who is weak, torn and scared and show me (physically) the love and strength that he can give to me.  Even better that I can use this blog and try and describe how God is using our family to spread his glory.

I had the pleasure of meeting a new friend at Church this morning who came up to me and thanked me for this blog.  I can't even begin to express how much this touched me.  For me, this blog started out as a document of our life so that I wouldn't forget these special moments.  It then turned into a journal of days and emotions of the trials that we faced.  Now it a blessing to me.  A blessing that others would allow me to enter into their days and that they would read the words that I have to write.  For that I'm grateful and honored.  I'm grateful that people read this blog, they think of us...and that you pray.  Please know I am praying for you!  I'm praying that you might see God in your life the way that I've been blessed by seeing.  What may seem like an endless, hopeless situation (twins born at 24 weeks 6 days...a 5 month old who now has a trache)....can turn into the greatest miracle that you can't even begin to define.  Blessings come in many shapes, sizes.  You just need to open your eyes and take a look. Who knows maybe that little boy/girl looking up at you smiling or whispering "I love you." at night is YOUR miracle.  Treasure it.  Praise the one that  gave it to you and don't ever take your miracles for granted!

God Bless you!

Go Diego Go ~~~

So driving home from daycare today I started playing Diego on the DVD player.  As the theme song came on I started to sing and from the backseat Birk tells me...

"Mommy stop singing. How about we let Diego sing this song?"

I look back and he has his famous grin on.  (that one that is like...I know I asked you to stop singing and I'm also the cutest thing on the planet....)

Wow.

Are you a grown up?

Ok so here is one of my "venting" blogs.

I feel like lately I've been surrounded by adults who are not aware of how to act like a grown up.  They have no manners, they are completely unprofessional and have no respect for those that want to help them.  My initial reaction is just frustration with people like this, but as I poured myself my glass of wine (my relaxation for the day) I started to feel like I shouldn't feel frustrated with these people, but really I should feel sorry that they don't have the kind of upbringing that I did (and that I want for my children).  My children will always know how to be respectful of others (as Nick and I both did).  They will understand that when they are in school, or at work that they MUST respect their authority.  They will know that actions speak louder than words and they will demonstrate goodness with their actions.  They will also know how to be grateful and show your appreciation every chance you can get.

While I may not always be successful in these areas, but this is my vow that I will do everything in my power to instill the kind of manners, respect and love for Christ that my parents gave to me (and Nick's parents gave to him).  Because what i've grown to learn is that in that relationship with Christ is when I really started to learn how respect can be given... even given to those who aren't necessarily giving it back to me.  Those that aren't quite sure of how to be a "grown up" yet...even though their age would say they should be one.

So I will pray.  I will pray for these people that they will soon learn how to grow up and I will pray for patience and acceptance for me.

Ok, now I'm going to finish my wine and check out some Pinterest.  That always tends to make me happy!  ;-)

Oh the joys of 2 (almost 3) year olds ~~

I realize I haven't been the best blogger this week, but let me tell you...It's been a rotten week.

Birk has battled an ear infection and still is having issues with sleeping.  We aren't sure at this point if now it just a routine that we've enabled by going into his room every night.  Last night when he cried out for the third or fourth time he instructed Nick "to lay down next to his bed and sleep."  um???  :-)  We're hoping to get this figured out soon.

We should be traveling today to Cincinnati for our follow up appointment, but due to the fact that he has been sick they decided to cancel.  So I am thankful for a day at home w/ my family.

Addy has been, well ADDY!! The thing I love about Addy is that she is strong willed.  I love that she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to let us know.  However, this is also one of the biggest challenges we have with Addy too.  :-)  I guess we can't have our cake and eat it too...

Nick celebrated his 33rd birthday this week.  On Tuesday night I decided to have a little celebration.  I went to preschool registration, stopped at Hy-Vee and got a cake and make some dinner.  I guess the dinner wasn't the twins' favorite as they both ended up gagging on the noodles and throwing up at the table and then screaming for cake.  Woah!  It was a very blessed and happy birthday for Nick!  :-)

We have been grateful and sad at the same time that this week was B's first official start at daycare.  We had to say goodbye to a very special nurse (he has had 2 VERY special home nurses in his life).  However, now he can be with his sister all the time and hang out w/ his friends at daycare all week long.  :-)

Long story short...not much else has changed in our lives.  Same story...different chaotic day it seems.  I thought I'd send out a few little twin "isms" to share with all of you!  I guess it is these moments that make the others seem TOTALLY WORTH IT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we were riding in the car on Friday headed to daycare I wouldn't allow the twins to watch TV so we were listening to the Message on Sirius/XM.

Addy:  "Hey, wait!!  This is a song about Jesus."
Me: "Why yes it is a song about Jesus."
Addy:  "I love songs about Jesus."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick and I made the decision to sponsor a little boy from Vietnam while we were at the Winter Jam concert.  We introduced his picture to the twins and now he proudly hangs on our fridge door.

Nick: (pointing to the picture) "Who is that Birk?"
Birk: "My baby brother boy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you all have a very blessed Christ filled week!  :-)

Family Photos

Thanks to Red Deer Studios and our good friend Brian Duffy for taking our pictures! ~

Cincinnati Trip

Has been cancelled for our follow up on Monday.  With B's double ear infection and the fact that I made the decision to put him back on steroids due to his rapid breathing and extra effort to breathe during the night they decided that he wasn't healthy enough for Monday's appt.  They also decided that it was too dangerous to give him a general for the Scope.

The dilemma for me is that this is our one month post operation appt to determine if everything is still looking good and there are no "tweaks" that need to be made.  So what is more important....the risk of giving him a general or waiting an extra month and there could be some changes that need to be made within his airway.   We have no indication that says there is anything wrong, it is just a comfort that I would have with having them go in there and say "yup, everything still looks good."

I guess time will tell!

We have a source

I took Birk back to the doctor today after a weekend of NO sleep, high fevers and lots of nightmares.  Turns out the sweet child has a double ear infection.  The one on his left ear was pretty severe (which explains the constant "owie's" we heard through the night).  They are thinking due to the pain and lack of sleep that is where the dreams are stemming from.  Let's hope.  This poor child just needs sleep and lots of it.

So, I'm home one more day and his first official day at day care has been delayed.  None the less he will get there.  :-)

He is currently sleeping and for what I hope to be A LONG NAP!!!!!

Thanks to all for the prayers you may have sent out way.  We sure hope we have found what is causing all these sleeping issues!

Sleeping

Is not happening a lot around our house for B-man these days.

It is becoming something I'm increasingly more and more worried about.  I am also feeling rather hopeless and uncertain of where to turn.

Anyone reading this who has any advice...I'm all ears.

It started after surgery in that he would wake up at least once a night and cry out.  However, he was easily calmed and would go back to sleep.  Naps were running a lot shorter than usual too, but it didn't seem to be something I had to be nervous about.

However, this past week...and specifically Saturday and Sunday nights it has escalated.  Saturday night he was crying out and talking in his sleep at least every hour and sometimes every 30 minutes.  He would say things like "owie, stop doing that to me."  "Addy fell, I need to help her" and "Yi scares me."  As a parent, this was very heartbreaking to hear.  We don't know what is causing this and we have no way to fix it.

Sunday night has been slightly better, but he is still upset.  The only difference is that I've been giving him tylenol each time he starts one of these episodes and it does seem to calm him.  I wake him 100% by pulling him out of bed and then giving him the medicine.  Then I put him back to bed and for a while he has been ok (so far).  He has ran a fever in the past several days which I read online can cause nightmares.  I've read some on night terrors too...and based on what I'm seeing from him...this isn't that.  I have no reasoning, which means I have no solutions.  I'm exhausted from getting up repeatedly and being worried,  Nick is tired, and more importantly Birk is beyond tired.

My immediate prayer is to God to take this away from my sweet son.


Please release him from whatever is restricting him from rest.  He is fighting a cold and due to the fact that he isn't resting he is struggling to even get over a slight cold that is present.  Please surround him with your grace as whatever is frightening him so much can be made better through you.  Please also provide wisdom to Nick and I as we try and determine what the best options are for Birk at this time.  We want to make the best decision when it comes to how to care for him.  

In Jesus name.  

Sometimes I am not cut out to be a single parent or a Mommy of a little boy...

BECAUSE whenever my husband is gone, my kids get sick, I am beyond tired and I just tend to get overwhelmed and stressed.

Then today Nick went over to a friends house and while he was gone I struggled to get the kids to nap well.  When I finally gave up and let them get up we came down and were playing and Birk slipped and fell face first into our coffee table (made of colorful stones and metal edges...safe I know).  He bit into his lip after the fall.  After I got the blood cleaned up and calmed both of us down (Addy included) I realized it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

So for those of you that have little boys (or had little boys) who have fallen, cut their head open, bite through their lips, or just plain play so hard they hurt themselves...HATS OFF TO YOU!

I am going to be having a drink or two tonight.  It has been a whirlwind of a couple weeks.  Whew!!!!!!!!

On a good note...Happy MLK Day....and Day off work.  :-)

Love like Crazy ~~

So this week has been crazy for me....see previous post.

As I was sitting here with the kids tonight watching some TV (and trying to just relax...we all need it).  I started thinking that there was one thing that I had really neglected this week.  Something I had let fall short cause I was "too busy."  For this I was ashamed.  I was sad that I hadn't spent the time talking to God like I have in weeks past.  Even when I was at my darkest moment these past few weeks I still let God help me.  I still asked him for strength, I praised him for allowing me to be in that moment.  And yet, this week I fell short.  It's not the first time, and I certainly know it won't be the last.

In that moment I decided that I needed to talk to God.  I needed to thank him for giving me the strength to get through this week with Nick gone.  I needed to thank him for a job.  Even though it has been stressful this week and filled w/ quite a bit of extra stuff on my plate... I needed to thank him for a husband whom I adore and who is out on the road enjoying his work as well.  A husband who will listen to me on the phone be VERY upset that our furnace is working, let me call him at 2am when I'm up with the boy cause I don't want to deal with it alone and a husband who is so excited to get home to see him family... How lucky can a girl be?!?! I needed to thank him and praise him for creating Birk and Addy whom I am just head over heels in love with.  I needed to thank him for placing one of the greatest responsibilities a person can have in my hands...to be a parent.  I needed to let my kids see me at my weak moment as well.  So, in that moment I asked B & A to pray with me.  See, my kids are used to praying at the dinner table, and at Church, but I can't really recall if they have seen us pray otherwise.  I got down on my knees and to my utter amazement they did the same and folded their hands.  Now, my prayer was a bit different w/ them involved, but the message was the same.

"Dear God,
Thanks for Daddy, Thanks for no Trache, Thanks for Dora/Diego (this one was from the twins), Thanks to Marcia, Thanks to Dr. Andersen, Thanks to airplanes (Daddy is on one right now), Thanks for everything!"  

What a sweet reminder of all the blessings we have in our lives.  I sure hope you've been better than I have remembering to Praise the one who has given us the moon, stars and the SON!

Here is a short song (not even a Christian song) that really describes my feelings tonight!

Don't let YOUR praying knees get lazy!!

Ugh!!!

This week has been quite the whirlwind for me!!!

Tuesday Nick left on a work trip for the rest of the week.  While normally this wouldn't be a huge issue I started a new class at work and knew my schedule would be CRAZY!  And I was right.  Tuesday evening I dropped the kids off at a friends house and ran to my church meeting.  WHen I went to pick them back up, I saw Addy was in a new outfit.  I thought maybe they were just playing dress up or something, but come to find out I had forgotten to pack diapers and Addy had an accident.  Thank goodness they had a little girl who had dolls, and doll diapers.  The diaper was so small on Addy...it was quite funny to see~

Wednesday was uneventful which was a blessing as the storm hit on Thursday.

Thursday we discovered Birk was running a slight fever.  It was a pretty mild low grade fever so we didn't really worry about it.  Around 4pm Marcia called and said "Jenny, I don't think your furnace is working."  In my initial state of panic I rushed home after work and went straight to work.  I messed w/ the thermostat, I checked to see if a fuse had gone out and then headed down to the basement.  I looked at the stupid thing.  I even asking the furnace why it wasn't working?!?  Finally I looked down and saw this little on/off switch.  As I got closer I noticed 2 things.  It was switched to off, and it was about 2 year old height!  Hum!!!  Turns out Addy decided to turn our furnace off when she was playing the basement.  Good grief.

The fever went away in the evening so I thought it was safe to run to the pharmacy and then to play volleyball.  I got to pharmacy and as they were running my insurance card for the prescriptions they told me it was declined.  As I stood there in a state of panic, I was sure what to do.  I told them I would just pay and deal with it later!  A $90 bill later for one medicine and I was on my way to volleyball.

Everything was still good until around 2:30AM.  Birk started to cry and I realized his fever had spiked again and this time it was no longer low grade.  I held him for quite a while, we had some juice, I used cool wash clothes on him and gave Tylenol.  When the Tylenol started to work we decided to go back to bed.  He was a bit upset that I wouldn't jump in his crib with him so I said I would sleep on the floor next to him!  Oh boy, how UNCOMFORTABLE!  After he got back to sleep, he slept ok until about 7am this morning.  I, however, DID NOT!

Due to the fact that his fever has come and gone and he was complaining that his throat hurt we made an appointment.  Turns out he doesn't have strep, but we do need to watch him closely!  Man.  When it rains it pours.

Side not:  the pharmacy called me today and it was actually their error that I had to pay for the prescription.  When we got back from Ohio I had turned in a new prescription for this medicine they had already filled our previous one.  I told them that since we increased the dosage I would need to refill sooner.  Long story short...insurance didn't know about the dose increase!!!

It's 3:09PM, I came home from work today around 12:00PM and am now at a point where I can lay my head on a pillow and get some sleep...hopefully.  Being up since 2:30AM with a sick little guy takes a toll on a person!

~~~ Thank goodness it is the weekend ~~~

Prayers for B-man

We have had nothing but great things happen for our sweet boy these past few weeks.  We do have one prayer request for him.  We have been battling some sleep issues since getting back to Iowa.  We are also dealing with what we are feeling are some nightmares for him when he sleeps.  Most nights he will wake up a few times throughout the night and will cry out.  Last night he was thrashing around and even talking in his sleep.  He also had some difficulties with his afternoon nap today.  What we pray for is rest for him.  Obviously, with these dreams and crying fights his sleep is not as good as is should/needs to be.  Please pray for peace for him.  Pray that these dreams cease.  I hate the thought of him having scary or bad dreams and there isn't much I can do to help him!

We have heard that sometimes bad dreams or "night terrors" follow a long sedation or when children have been under some of the drugs that he was on so we are semi-prepared for this.  It is just difficult to watch your sweet boy have to go through this.

My Pinterest Addiction

So, as I've previously confessed to, I have an addiction on Pinterest.  I recently saw someone had "pin'd" a post to a blog that was titled "30 ideas for a date night at home."  It peaked my interest.  As I was reading this I was actually thinking to myself...."Are you kidding me? Who has the time to prepare a meal to eat and sit on the deck.  Plus, I won't be able to watch my shows while I'm sitting on the deck eating my PB&J sandwich." (PB&J is what I always think of when I think of a picnic...which is not all that often.)  By the time I had finished this list I was almost in tears I was laughing so hard.  While I will likely never try some of these, the thought of having a date night at home sounds lovely.  Even better the thought of someone else dreaming it all and allowing me to do ZERO of the planning, preparation, and clean up sounds even more appealing.  (as you can tell I'm a romantic at heart).

Here are a few of my favorites from the blog:



~  Wear your old bikini that you would never wear in public again, because your stretch marks glisten too brightly in the sunlight! Ha. Your husband won’t care and will love you in it.


~Dress as a character from a movie and you pick the character for each other


~ Try to beat your all time record. (This was my husband’s suggestion for the list.)  -- (NOT SURE IF THIS ONE WAS APPROPRIATE, BUT IT STILL MADE ME LAUGH).  


I decided that I loved this list so much that I would make own (ROBERTSON STYLE) of ideas for our kind of date nights!

1. Instead of sitting all the way across each other on the 2 couches in our living room...  Sit on your own couches, but closer together this time.  This way you can share the end table between the couches for your beverages. How sweet.  Maybe your hands will meet when reaching for the remote or pop.
2.  Offer to give the other person the remote control on your favorite night of television.  (don't forget to hit record on the DVR though).
3.  You be the one to volunteer to go "get" dinner on that given night.  How nice it would be to not argue over who will be the one to call in and who will have to get in their car and go get it!  (wow, this never happens at our place).
4.  Complete the crossword puzzle in your People magazine together (while fun, it is also helpful since I can't seem to ever finish the whole thing).
5.  Look through old picture albums and remember the times before your life surrounded around big people jobs, mortgages, cooking and cleaning, changing diapers, worrying about raising children and concerning yourself with adult worries!  Remember the feelings you had at that time and how carefree you were!  Savor that moment for a short while until you hear one of your children yell for you from upstairs and then be glad that you have the wonderful life that you do!  

Sunday... good and bad?

I like Sunday's quite a bit.  They always start out very nice.  We wake up, having some breakfast and load up and head to Church (well we didn't get to do that for about 3 months so today was a welcomed treat back to reality).  We enjoy a wonderful worship service (never fails to amaze me) and then home for a good family day.  However, I feel like a child when I say that I always really don't like Sunday's.  I hate the feeling of having to go back to work on Monday.  To be away from the kids, (it doesn't help I'm starting a VERY BUSY time at work starting tomorrow).  It makes my heart heavy.  I was spoiled in December (while I agree it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows) I was with my family quite a bit.  I enjoyed it very much.

I know that I love my job.  I work with great people, I feel like I'm semi-good at what I do...however, it is still work!!

Ok, so I think my Sunday evening pity party is over.  

Here's to hoping that my post tomorrow is much more pleasant and it means I've had a good Monday!

If you are a parent

So my new addiction is Pinterest.  There I said it...now I can seek help!  :-)

Seriously.  I love to browse for decorating ideas, cooking ideas, and just see what people are interested in.  What good clean fun!  I managed to "pin" one of those articles that was something like "25 rules If you're a mother of boys" or " 50 rules If you're a father of girls." with advice and tips for raising your kids.  As I was reading them I kept thinking to myself...I bet I could come up with one for our family.  So, here it is!

10 Rules if you're an Ankeny Robertson family of 4 with a Mom, a Dad, and boy/girl twins!
~~~    (Clever, I know).  ~~~

10. Remember that each day is a gift.  Whether you're dealing with a health issue, a sassy little one, 50 loads of laundry, dishes or work....enjoy your time and count your blessings!  You never know what will change from day to day.

9.  The dishes CAN wait until tomorrow.  If you are enjoying time with your family or friends why stop to do the dishes.  The beauty of this is THEY WILL BE THERE LATER~

8.  Kiss and hug any time you can.  (refer back to previous post).  Now I'm not an advocate for PDA's, but make sure that your loved ones know you do love them.  Sometimes words just aren't enough.  Give someone a hug!

7.  Sing songs ABOUT EVERYTHING!  What a fun way to go through life.  Also, use your vibrato voice as much as you can.  Sing about your dinner, your clothes, your toys, and your life.  It really does make the heart much more happier (and it helps those around you who might not be having the best day).

6.  Get down on your belly and play cars.  Use your imagination again.  As adults we just live in the present and reality, and we forget how much fun it is to play pretend.  So, dress up a doll and tell "her story" or have a "big fiery crash" with the cars.  You'll be glad you did.

5.  Have a family movie night.  Make appetizers for dinner that aren't the most nutritious, let the kids have ice cream and popcorn (ok, let everyone have it) and watch a movie together.  What a great memory.

4.  Say YES!  Even if it means that you have an extra mess to clean up, it will be loud, it isn't on your agenda or you just don't want to do it.  If it puts a smile on your child's face (or your husbands or wife's) say YES.  Down the road it won't matter that you had that extra mess, what will matter is that you brought happiness in that moment.

3.  Color.  Draw pictures that tell stories.  Color outside of the lines while you're at it.  Show your kids that you enjoy spending time with them and doing the things that they love to do. What I suspect you will find is that you get quite a bit of enjoyment and relaxation our this activity.  Also, play with play-doh.  Make shapes, mix the colors and let your kids get down and dirty.  You'll thank me for it later!

2.  Make sure to have "me time" and "date night" time.  Kids are our lives, but don't forget who you were before you were a parent and even before you were a couple.  Even if this time is short or rare, savor it when it does arrive.

1.  Praise the one that gave you the gift that is your life.  Praise him when all is great and happiness surrounds you.  Praise him in the storm. Praise him when you are feeling there is no where to turn and your heart is heavy.  For when you praise him everything I've listed previously will be made present to you.

So there you have it!  Not a long list, maybe not even a fun to read list, but it is my life and man I'm pretty happy to be living it!  :-)

Conversation this morning

Birk:  "Give me that toy you have!"
Addy:  "No.  Get your own."
Birk:  "GIVE IT TO ME."
Addy: "I'm the BOSS of you and I said no."
Birk:  "You not the boss, Daddy is my boss."
Addy" "Mommy is the boss and she will say no too."
Birk: "Oh!"

Wow, we have our work cut out for us!!!

What should I blog about now....

With the lack of living in a hospital, lack of traches, trache supplies, health challenges we are feeling as if we don't have much of a life!  haha..  :-)  

We are happy to post a good report on the kids.  Birk is doing good being home.  We had a fabulous holiday with family, opened lots of wonderful presents, and just spent quite a bit of time being thankful for the many blessings in our life.  We spent some time putting together the short video from the previous post.  It has been lovely. 

This week brought us a nasty taste of reality though.  We went back to work after almost a month of working remotely.  It was a bit disheartening, but at the same time fairly comfortable to get back.  One last major change will take place at the end of next week....Birk's nurse will no longer be assigned to our house.  We will begin full time daycare for both kids on Monday January 16th (well, maybe the 17th depending on MLK day!).  Wow, I can't hardly believe it.  I also found out I can register the kids for preschool on the 17th.  PRESCHOOL?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  How can my kids almost be ready for preschool?  I guess in the next month or so I need to get really serious about that potty training business.  

Funny story for the post:

Birk (as he picked up his Grandma Robertson's school picture):  She is pretty.  With her necklace, sweatshirt, and her happy face!"  

Funny thing was that she was wearing a necklace, she wan't wearing a sweatshirt, but a lovely sweater and she did have a smile on her "happy" face!  Grandma was right when she heard this....he is quite the charmer!  Now with a couple cool scars!!!  

~~ Birks ~~

This is a video that Nick and I made for Birk. This video was very emotional at times to make as we thought about the last 2 1/2 years and what they have meant to us.  The Trache saved his life.  It wasn't what we would have wished for, but it has meant a lot to us (as strange as that sounds).  I will never take for granted that scar on his neck.  I hope he never forgets where he has come from...and what it took to get here.

Hope you enjoy the video.

Jeepers !!!

So tonight after dinner I was feeling a little tired after all the Christmas fun so I decided to lay on the couch and watch some recorded episodes of Parenthood.  I was laying there for roughly about 15 minutes and Birk kept asking me for his blue car.  I finally got up and searched high and low for this car...and no luck.  I asked him "well where is your blue car?"  He walked right over to our sub woofer and pointed.  Our sub-woofer as a small whole in the front and when Nick picked it up and moved it we heard what we were afraid of....

About an hour later here is what we had pulled out using hooks we had with tape on the end (my lovely creation cause I couldn't get my fat arm in the stupid hole), and eventually the vacuum.  We blew 2 fuses, got some scrapes on our knees and were a tad irritated.

Not exactly the relaxing evening on the couch that I had planned!  ~~

Good thing those kids are cute!  :-)

Happy 2012!